Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
