I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
