You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
