Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
