We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
