if i can run in heels then i can drive
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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