our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
