My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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