just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
