we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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