Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
