okay pat passed out under dana's car
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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