I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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