Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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