working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
