Dual....:-)
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I did not marry a roomba.
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