the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
