i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
