did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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