that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
