I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
