It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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