sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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