cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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