remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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