just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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