I wish I could teleport
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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