hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
