I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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