So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
