he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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