Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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