Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
