why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize