He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
