This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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