Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
