I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize