I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Two words: blizzard sex
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
