Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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