Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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