Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
