There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
