Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the liver wants what the liver wants
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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