Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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