When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
