hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
