I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
BRING THE BAGELS
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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