oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
