i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this will be a night to untag.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
