new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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