Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
