you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
