Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
