I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
