no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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