Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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