when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize