textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
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