I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
