The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
