$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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