Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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