Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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