I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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