My cat gives me a boner
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
