I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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