your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
