I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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