this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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