God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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