I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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