Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
