saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
