my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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